Monday, July 13, 2015

The First Post

Hi, my name is Stu.  I am a fat guy.  I used to say that I am lazy.  To be honest most of the time I am.  I use my weight as an excuse for being lazy.  I am determined to change that, because the people who care about me, need me.  How do I know?  Well it was my 11 year old daughter who challenged me on Thursday night (she challenged my wife too).  How's that for a kick in the butt?  The problem is I can't tell you how many time I have tried this weight loss thing and it never it takes.  No, that is not true, it is more like I never stick to it.  I always seem to find an excuse to eat poorly, or not exercise.

The fact of the matter is I am 43 years old and as of this morning I weigh 295 pounds (this is the heaviest I have ever been!!!).  The only activity that I used to do is martial arts, but I stopped that after I achieved my Black Belt on May 30th, 2015, because everything hurts.  Right now my body cannot take the beating, because it is taking me longer and longer to recover.  So now I can't even do one of the things I love the most.  I used to call the dojo my happy place.  It didn't matter if I was taking class or helping to teach it, I just loved being on the mat. My wife used to tell me that the moment I walked into the dojo I would have a smile on my face.  It was like once I crossed the threshold I didn't have a care in the world. It has gotten so bad that even just being on the mat for more then an hour and my feet are killing me.  It is really sad that I have let my weight take that away from me.

Being fat sucks!  I have no energy. I sweat profusely.  I lose my breath from climbing several flights of stairs.  No wonder I'm not very good at my job, would you buy from someone who has sweat pouring off of them and can't catch his breath enough to even introduce himself?  It is obvious that my kids notice how miserable I am.  Even just 20-30 pounds ago I was the dad who was out playing basketball with his sons or soccer with his daughter.  Sure I was a few years younger then, but I don't feel my age, I feel much, much older.  I have 3 amazing kids, that if I continue on my current path will not have a father.

So, where do I go from here?  That's the ultimate question.  The sad part is I already know what I need to do.  I need to change the way I eat and I need to exercise on a daily basis.  I just don't know how to make myself stick to it.  I don't know how to not reach for the junk food, when I am hungry.  I don't know how to force myself to exercise, to fight through the pain that I am going to experience.  I just don't know..... Fear of the unknown!

I don't know if anyone still reads my blog, I'm going to post this in a few places, maybe some people can offer some suggestions.  Maybe some people will help to hold me accountable.  Maybe, just maybe I can stick to it this time.  The first part of our challenge is until August 12.  This is the exact day my wife and I met for the very first time back in 1999.  I'd like to take her out to a nice romantic and healthy dinner, and be at least 10 pounds lighter.  20 would be even better, but I'm just looking for baby steps.  Wish me luck!

1 comment:

Eric said...

Stu,

I applaud you for your courage and honesty, and wish you the best in getting healthier and feeling better (a positive cycle that tends to perpetuate itself). It sounds like you have some compelling whys to see you through. A few thoughts: 1) You don't have to be perfect. If/when you "slip", just start over again as quickly as you can (preferably without beating yourself up too much about it). Keep doing that and you will succeed. 2) Be as kind, gentle, compassionate, and loving towards yourself as you would toward those you love most dearly. Do this starting right now - don't make it contingent upon a particular goal weight. 3) Try lots of different approaches - keep doing those that work for you, and discard the rest. There's no "one size fits all" method to success (pun intended). And, finally: 4) Most people find social support to be extremely helpful. Your blog is a great way to garner some. Keep seeking this out. Once again, I wish you all of the best, and am rooting for you!